Sing to Us
by Fang Cullen
Summary: We love you, Nullah. We miss you. Come back to us. Sing to us.


_Why is this so hard?_

_What's this ache I'm feeling, deep throughout my very being? Why do I picture his face every second of the day? Why do I feel so empty when Sarah's lying right next to me?_

_Sarah's torn up too, I know that, but how is she handling it so damn better than me? Aren't I the tough and hardened Drover? Why is it that every throb of my splintered heart brings a wave of agony?_

_He's not dead. He can't be. He's not hurt; I'd feel it too. Wouldn't I? What if he needs me? What if he's in trouble? What if—_

_No, stop, Drover, you're gonna drive yourself mad. He's fine. Ha, he'd've sang me to him if he wanted me. Yeah, that's it, smile. It's fine. Relax._

_Isn't it?_

Drover, I need you, hold me. Why are you being so distant? Look at me! Please, I'm dying! I'm drowning! Nullah! We need you!

I've failed, I know I have. Stupid walk-about. How could I have let him go? He's so small and defenseless. God, why didn't I protect him? He needs me…he needs me.

No, Drover's right, he needs this. But I need him. Nullah, please stay safe. You'd kill me. If you were in trouble, I'd come running. So fast, I'd come running. But how am I supposed to know if you are?

Oh, Drover, hold me closer. Thank you. You're so warm. But Nullah, he isn't. He's in the cold, unforgiving wilderness, while we're here, inside and together.

How is life so unfair?

_Why didn't I stop him? He needs a father, not a crazy psychotic father that's tried to kill us more times than I can count, or a grandfather that's just…well, psycho. That guy's always given me the creeps…and Nullah's with him._

_But he has to do this. Doesn't he? King George needs to teach him, of course. Of course._

_I bet he's really missing Sarah…I wonder what he's thinking. Probably how he's motherless. How he misses his mother. Mothers._

_But where do I fit in? I'm not exactly the prime example of a father…I love him, but...but do I love him enough? And even if I loved him so much, what's to say he'd even love me back?_

_Does he miss me?_

No, no, that can't be right. I'm sure he has friends. He can't be totally alone. He's got King George, hasn't he? He's probably made lots of little Aboriginal friends. Yes, yes. He's probably joking with them right now. He's fine. Who couldn't love Nullah?

…right?

Oh, God, Nullah please be happy. What if he's crying for us right now? Is he getting enough food? Is he sleeping okay? Nullah, Nullah, Nullah. Sing for me, baby. Tell me you're okay.

Oh, Drover, what would happen if…if Nullah didn't come back?

No, no, no, of course Nullah's going to come back. He loves us…doesn't he? He wouldn't've endured all this time with us if he didn't. Ha.

Unless…

No, Sarah! You're going to give yourself an ulcer.

_Was I this troubling? Certainly not…no, of course not. Well, I bet my parents would've thought differently. If they'd ever cared. Ha, like they ever did._

_How did I get here? Like hell if they helped. Like bloody hell. I got a beautiful woman, a son—I do have one, I do—and a helluva life and they haven't done a bloody thing. I hope they rot._

_How could they not love their child? How could they not've loved me? I'm scared though, what if I'm like them? Is that why Nullah didn't hug me good-bye? Am I becoming the thing I hate most?_

_Is that why he wanted to leave so bad? Did he want to get away from…me?_

_Sarah, tell me it's not true. I'm not like them! I can't be. Can I?_

Drover, Drover, Drover. I don't know what I'd do without you. No, I do. I'd be in pieces right now. You keep me whole.

As whole as I can be, I suppose. It feels as though Nullah's taken a piece of my heart with him. A huge piece.

Why would he want to leave? Obviously, because of the ceremony. Yes, yes, he needs this.

But…

What if…because I held him so tight, he was desperate to get away? Surely, he could've grown resentful. I'd clipped his wings. Like Drover said, I can't control him. He's not even mine.

Oh, no. It's my fault. It's my fault! No! I'm so sorry, Nullah!! I love you so much!! Come back, and I won't hold your reigns! I'll let you be free!

Oh, I'm so sorry!

_Oh, Sarah, hush, I'm here. Let me hold you, darling, don't cry. No, Drover, don't lose it. Keep it in. You have to be strong, like her, like the amazing woman you're holding._

Why can't I be strong like Drover?! I need him so much, and he's fine without me. I need to be strong. How could I ever have bore the dry seasons before?

_Look at her, she's so beautiful. She's not afraid to show me what she's feeling. How could I have possibly left her?_

Drover, I need to be alone for a second. I can't let you see me like this. How can he love someone so weak?

_Sarah, stay please. I need you. I don't want to lose it. Bloody hell, don't lose it._

_A distraction. I need one._

_This is the first place Nullah stayed. I remember that night. He and his mum's first night at Faraway Downs. He loved this place. I don't see the charm, but if Sarah and Nullah are here, then I can live with it._

_Is that why the place seems duller?_

_No, no, don't think about him._

_Crickey, I'm getting old. Even sitting up's a chore. Sarah, come sit with me. Open the window, love. There._

_Ah, I love the smell of the breeze here. Australia…it's beautiful. Even when you can't see half of it, as it's dark. Nullah loves it too._

_Damn, why can't that boy—_

—just come back?

Nullah would love to be sitting here with us. Always knew when to intrude, that boy. Fox dance, ha, rainbow song, haha. I love him way too much.

And I have to be strong. Love transcends all bounds, that I know, so the distance and the uncertainty should be a cinch.

Here we are, stop crying, Sarah. It's okay. He's fine. A positive attitude is perfect. Just…just don't think about him.

Yeah bloody right.

Sarah, for Nullah, for Drover, you must stop. Now.

Okay…okay…it's all okay…

_I've never put much merit in the phrase "sick with worry" but it's very true. To see Sarah so eerily composed, all of my "what ifs" for Nullah in my mind…sick would be a good word to describe it._

_This…how can it hurt so much? Has anything, really? Well, okay, there was...her. I miss her. Crickey, I miss her. But she's gone now, and I have Sarah. So how could anything hurt as bad as this?_

_Does Nullah hurt? His mom, his dad (though not necessarily for his loss), himself? I suppose I haven't really thought of him that way…he's always so happy and cheerful. How could anyone so loving and amazing have problems?_

_God, I'm a selfish ass. I'm not the only one with problems. I'm a terrible father. Like my own._

Drover, hold me. Sorry about that, I just needed to…compose myself. Swallow that lump, Sarah, hurry. No need to start balling like that again.

_Oh, Sarah, come here. Nullah, hear me please. I swear, I'll be a better father. Just come back, be okay._

Sarah, do NOT think of him. Off limits. You'll give yourself and ulcer I swear.

_Stupid dog, shut up!! Just shut up!! Stupid, fucking cows!! Why do you gotta shit up the world? Close the damn window!!_

_Drover! Gah, gotta knock it off. How can I be a good father if the only words I speak are…those?_

_Nullah, I love you more than I thought. Sarah, you too. And you, dog. And you too, cows._

_I'm sorry all of you. Now I just need to…say it out loud._

_Out loud. That might make things better. But…but who am I for fuzzy romance? Crickey, how do they expect me to do this?_

_Magarri, you were right. Shove the pride up you ass and say it, Drover._

_Tell her you love her. You do. How could you not've before?_

You love him, don't you? You love them both. So much. That's why it hurts so bad. Nullah, I love you. I didn't think I was strong enough to love, but I found it with you. I love you, Nullah.

My, have I ever told the Drover how much I love him? Oh, no, I'm so sorry, love. Why won't my voice work? Why can't I tell you?

_This is too much. I…I have to go._

No!!! Drover, come back!!! I need you!!

_WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?! Go back there right now and tell her you love her!!_

_Okay…okay…okay…_

Drover, please…

_I need you._

I need you.

_I love you._

I love you more than life itself.

"_I love you."_

"I love you."

"_I _k_n_o_w_."

_Wow…that was simple._

Easy.

_Like breathing._

Amazing.

"_I need you."_

"Drover…"

"_Sarah, we're alone…"_

"I know…"

_Oh, c'mon, you stupid bloke…you can't seriously cry…please no. Sarah, don't think any less of me, please. I'm trying to be strong. I just can't._

Oh, Drover. I love you. Let me hold you. I miss him too. I miss him. I'm so—

"—_sorry, Sarah."_

Wait… "What?"

"_It's my fault he's gone…I drove him away…I…I…I…"_

Wait…Drover…what? You? "He loves you. He idolizes you. How can you blame yourself? It was my fault. I clipped his wings. I held him too tight, it was me who pushed him away."

Oh, Sarah, why must you be such a baby?

_What…? "Sarah, he loves you more than life itself. You're his mother. I'm…I'm just…I'm nothing."_

"Drover! He loves you! You're his father!"

_No…no…"How can he?"_

"Because he loves you, and that's all the reason he needs."

"_But…I'm a terrible father."_

"No! I'm the parent that needs help. I'm a terrible mother!"

"_Sarah…how can you be so delusional?"_

"How can YOU?"

…

…

"_This is ridiculous."_

Ha…"I know."

"_He's coming back."_

"Of course."

"_I love you."_

"I love you."

_I love you, Nullah._

I love you, Nullah.

_Sing to us._

We're waiting, baby.


End file.
